I still remember the ending of 10th Grade, when i finally realized what i wanted to do with my life: Become a Filmmaker. I had a huge tussle with my parents about pursuing a film school right after 12th Grade. I was crying, shouting and pleading them to let me take up film school. But my dad was firmly against it, and as i think of it now, i’m glad he was.
growing up, i was always making films. me and my bestfriend started a youtube channel Named “Sweet Life with Konchum Karam,” where i made the dorkiest short films ever. In my 12th Grade, i made around 6 short films in which i was the writer, director, DP, editor, and an actor sometimes. it feels pretty funny if i think of it in hindsight.
but what really stood out to me was my ability to persevere back then. I had never given up filmmaking even though i was making bad films. it was never about making a good film back then; it was just about making films. it was about how my mum gave me some money and let me go out and make films. it was about how me and my friends goofed around the entire morning and edited our films during the afternoon. the experience of making cinema was the important part that the reception never mattered.
But after making 12 films during my undergrad, going to a film school, i slowly lost the ability to enjoy life and making cinema. Now it’s all about how well the movie is made, how well The audience will take it, and all the outside world’s approval.
As i’m writing, directing and producing my first feature film which has a bunch of celebrated actors along with a very good music director, i’m filled with pressure. to get things done the correct way, to Not fail and fuck up the opportunity i have right in front of me. when the responsibility is on me to deliver, it feels a little more harder than it actually is.
i sometimes forget that this was what i’ve wanted to do all my life. i sometimes have to ground myself and tell myself that i’m ACTUALLY MAKING A MOVIE. i expected myself to be more excited, more in awe of the process, but it’s been the opposite.
But if i told that 13-year-old Hemal that he would grow up to having his own production company where he would be writing directing and producing a feature film, he would have an insane smile on his face. and maybe that is the feeling i want to pursue going forward.
So, here’s to my first big step and to many more hopefully