I can’t beat it
– Lee chandler
how do you respond to grief? how do you respond to death?
i don’t think there’s a specific answer to these questions. but if there’s one thing i know, is that it is difficult, clumsy, messy, and oftentimes it is very hard. and how manchester by the sea deals with the concept of grief is something worth discussing.
in manchester by the sea, death is not portrayed as something horrific, something terrifying. it’s portrayed like a monday morning, a fleeting moment that will keep recurring again and again. you don’t see the big hard cries, you don’t see people talking about the dead person. instead, you see lee chandler walking around picking up snow, helping houses with repairs, and slowing wasting his life out.
death occurs multiple times in the movie. lee chandler’s brother passes away and lee’s children are trapped in a burning house. these are heartbreaking moments, but yet, the director chooses to keep you away from these moments as an audience. instead, he wants you to stay with lee, who’s Grieving in silence. he doesn’t cry, he doesn’t shout, and he’s too scared to even Acknowledge whatever has happened. Lee isn’t broken because he lost his children, he’s broken because he believes he doesn’t deserve to live fully after that loss.
lee is afraid of making another commitment, to take responsibility because he thinks he was the reason behind his children’s death. but when you don’t share how you’re feeling, if you bind yourself into a bubble, how can you possibly get out of that state?
i have experienced death in my life this year. after Losing my mother, i found myself in a very similar state lee was. confused, scared, and guilty. i was feeling guilty about not spending enough time with my mother while she was still here. and these feeling really have an affect on you. but unlike lee, i tried to stay connected with people. i realized that, the only thing we have in this world are connections, and i am not going to give up on them. even for lee, things start getting better when he finally learns to live with the grief. when he starts letting things be, and Connects with his nephew.
i think the biggest takeaway from manchester by the sea is this: grief never goes away. it can come back to you at anytime. on a bright sunday morning when you’re laughing with your friends, or on a sad tuesday evening. but as you grow with time, you learn to live with it. and all you can do is to respect it, understand what it’s telling you, and honor the people who’ve left this earth.
i hope somewhere in manchester, lee is eating ice cream and playing ball with his nephew, and telling himself that, it’s okay, it’s gotten better.
if you’re grieving, it means you care, and if you care, And maybe that care itself is the light that remains